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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?